Stupid shit I did today
I proposed this thread to Lunchbox about a year ago, but never got around to making it.
The purpose; To share the stupid and embarrassing acts YOU did today. (or in days past)
Rules
One stupid shit per post (don't post whore all day either)
Only stupid shit posts, no other comments, do that via rep.
Only stupid shit YOU did
Keep it short and sweet. No novels please.
Be honest
I'll go first.
I did some STUPID shit today at the gas station. Pulled in, tanked up, restarted the car before going in to pay.
While checking out I look out the window to see which pump I was at. I said "9"
Then looked and saw I was actually at 11.......
That's when I realized, the car had ROLLED 15 feet forward up to the next pump! I never set the parking brake.
fucker could have kept going right into the street. I got SOOOO lucky
I'm an idiot.
Today, I called a person as a follow-up to an email that was never replied to from last Monday, the 23rd. Left a voicemail, which I'm thankful for as I would've felt more like a dick if I had to talk to the person... Basically stating that they respond to it and if they deleted it "by accident" to send me a message so I could resend it. This email is important as I essentially can't do anything on this project until they respond.
So, the bad part, I checked one of my 6 work computers I use somewhat regularly - besides my main laptop. I notice an open, unsent, email on the desktop. I think you know where this is going. Needless to say, I added an extra paragraph apologizing about the voicemail and tucked my tail and quickly hit sent hoping I wouldn't have to talk to this person again in a very long time
A few days ago, an african-american man came into my work and asked for a pack of Marb lights in a soft pack. Immediately after these words left his lips another customer asked where the restroom was.. I told her, then turned back to the man. "So you wanted Newport 100s box right?" He looked upset and a visiting friend of mine started laughing which made it much, much worse. He repeated to me the kind he wanted, sold 'em and got him out as quick as I could. He did shake my hand before he left which was random as fuck.. Thank god there was Purell nearby, he smelled funny.
Signatures are overrated.
This happened in the last year so it's valid.
Went to Home Depot to buy wall insulation for my upstairs remodel. I calculated out the square footage I would require and looked in the insulation isle. I found the pack of 93" x 15 3/4" insulation and it was fucking HUGE. The thing weighed a good 40lbs. By my calculations I needed 72 bags of the shit! Johnny5 and I started loading some up... we could only get 5 on one flatbed. At this point I was beaten down. I figured there was no way in hell I could get 72 bags of this shit home, not to mention the store didn't even have that many in the whole fuck'n isle.
It was then I noticed the number... super small, the size of a quarter that said "QTY 12".
I was able to buy 6, and nearly pee'd myself laughing.
That toosh is like the pistons in a Ferrari.
I HATE those little buttons that hold down the corners of shirt collars, especially on an informal shirt.
One day in summer, while at work, I decided to remove the ones on the shirt I was wearing.
Got out an x-acto and started to cut.
Got one off and then the other.
I had undone a couple buttons so I could pull the shirt away from myself while cutting.
Well, in my hast, my dumb ass cut off the regular buttons! Now I'm walking around like fucking Fabio because I didn't have an undershirt on.
I ended up taping my shirt closed at the top and walking around the entire day with dumbass stamped all over me
This last weekend I pulled right out on someone at a 4-way intersection that I swore was a 4-way stop also. The person coming my direction on the right must have a dumbass detector and immediately slowed down enough to avoid a nice tbone accident. I drove around a few blocks and came back to the same intersection to check the signs... sure enough, big f'ing sign under the stop "cross traffic does not stop".
I pulled out the top middle drawer of my desk to get some papers. I left it open and grabbed my water bottle.
I set the bottle down INSIDE the drawer, which is only about 2.5 inches deep.
Then I slammed the drawer shut.
The bottle simultaneously tilted right at me and sprayed out as the drawer crushed it. I fucked that up.
This morning I said "fuck wet snow" and brought out the snowblower. My first time using it. I spent 10 minutes trying to pullstart that shit with no luck, getting more and more pissed over time.
I finally realized that I was tired, it was dark out and I couldn't see shit, and I forgot that there is a separate switch to get the gas flowing. I thought I was taking care of that by turning up the throttle.
I just came into work for them to tell me that I'm going to be sent home in about an hour.
this wasnt exactly today, but i want to share.
i tried to put my car in sixth.
I was tooling around earlier putting the snow tires to use. Got home and decided to make my super steep snow-covered driveway my bitch. I regretted it as soon as I started shoveling.
Signatures are overrated.
Amanda snuck up behind me yesterday and scared me while I was holding a cat. I did what any man would do in the situation. I threw the cat at her.
It was slow motion.. the cat was leaving my arms as I was thinking "why the fuck am I throwing this cat?".. As the cat made contact, it dropkicked her chest and ran off.
I traveled to CA this week. I took my 1 gig memory stick and put a movie on it, then I went and bought a 4 gig stick (specifically for the trip) and put 4 more movies on that one. I put both thumb drives on a leash. The plan was to watch the movies during flight on the little travelmate laptop jesus gave me. WHICH I ALSO JUST SPENT $40 FOR A NEW BATT. SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS TRIP.
Packed my bags and left. After take off I pulled the laptop out and fired it up. Started digging around for the thumb drives with the movies......left it at home.
OH COME ON!!!! fucking horse shit
Slept through my alarm and missed an exam the other day. Not good.
Signatures are overrated.
Earlier this week.....
I called the dr office to get a refill on a prescription... well, they kept putting me on hold and passing me around to other people in the office and I started to get pissed... I finally got on the phone with like the 5th person there and started yelling.... then I realized that I had called my dentist... not my regular doctor.... I calmly apologized and hung up.... Im a dumbass... lol
~~Pro Ego Sum Deus~~
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin
I had two bowls for breakfast....
Neither of them were cereal.
A few years back when I had my Kawi rocket.....I made a quick run from the north side where I worked at the time, to Don and Roys in Brookfield. I was going to buy some new riding gloves.
I always wore my helemt and jacket. I always kept my wallet in one of the jacket pockets with zippers, to avoid incident.
I bought the gloves and ran out to get back to work.
On I45 right near Capital Dr. I JUST happened to see something out of the corner of my eye in the rearview mirror.
A minute later a car next to me pointed down. I grabbed my pocket and realized it was open. Fucking wallet fell out, in rush hour traffic.
I circled back and tried to find the spot it dropped. After 2 passes I stopped on the opposite side of the freeway, hopped the median, and stared running down the side of the freeway. I was snatching up dollar bills, credit cards, pictures, etc. as I ran.
The bulk of the wallet was in the road and it took a sheriff to stop traffic and run out to get it for me, the whole time he was yelling at me.
It only took about 10 minutes, but it was the most retarded 10 minutes ever.
Today, I was driving around in the boonies. I missed a turn and needed to flip a U e. Got WAY over to the right, in the snow, turned the wheel left....car slid off into the ditch, ffffuck. That shit was nearly high-centered side to side.
I was able to disable trac. rock it and dirve the bitch out. thought I tore the splash guards off. came out fine whoa, that was close
went to the bathroom at work, was washing my face and hands, the door is directly behind the sinks... had some dust or something in my nose, and as i was digging it out, guy opens the door to leave, 2 HOT ass girls wander by, stop, glance in. i look up, my finger is in my nose and in this huge mirror all i see is these two chicks. fuck me
Prior to the install of my supercharger, LunchBox and I were preping the car by putting in a new fuel pump and running wires and vac. lines for the boost gauge and aeroforce gauge.
We had to pass a few wires through the firewall. I found an exisiting rubber plug on the firewall that was a PERFECT spot to run the wires. All I needed to do was cut a hole in the rubber, basically turning from a plug into a gromet.
I tried a drill first, but the rubber was too soft. Then a razor blade, but it was too thick. Then I thought I'd use a grinding stone on a dremel.
It was going great until the rubber got to a certain temperature and INSTANTLY went from a solid to a searing hot liquid. The dremel flung the molten rubber IN MY EYES.
I yelled, dropped the dremel, and told lunchbox to come over and pick all the rubber off my face. Some of it had stuck in my eye lashes and effectively glued my eyes shut.
that was fucking retarded. I actually have scars on my face from that one.
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