yesterday as i was driving around trying to find 35th and loomis i painted myself a mental picture of howard being farther south of layton. that didnt work out too well and i ended up driving a bunch more than i should have.
yesterday as i was driving around trying to find 35th and loomis i painted myself a mental picture of howard being farther south of layton. that didnt work out too well and i ended up driving a bunch more than i should have.
So on my way into the building today I elected to squeeze between 2 dumpsters rather than walk around, saving myself a whopping 10 steps. So yeah, as I'm walking between these dumpsters, my pant leg gets snagged on a piece of the dumpster and rips pretty much ALL down the side. Now I'm sitting at my desk with one pant leg stapled up trying to decide if I should just sit here all day and not face anyone, go home and change, or tell the story to every single person I talk to when they ask what happened to my fucking pants, or possibly go in the can and re-staple them from the inside and make them look a little more presentable. I'm an idiot.
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
One time when trying to bleed some air out the coolant system on my Grand Prix, I managed to loosen the release valve on the top of the thermostat housing just a little too far. The bit shot straight up in the air hitting the underside of the hood effectively spraying me in the eyes, nose, and mouth full of sweet, hot coolant.
I have another car one.
A little less than a month after I got my drivers license, I was given the keys to my dads 1990 4x4 GMC Suburban. Rancho shocks, bigger than stock tires (dunno the size), 350 V8....big motherfucker.
I was messing with a guy on the freeway. We both took the ryan rd exit and got in the left turn lanes. It was a double turn lane and I was on the outside. Light goes green, I nail it.
Snow had been melting and running off the median. When the rear tires hit the wet spot they started to spin and the ass end came around. Keep in mind, this is a 6000lb lifted truck.
It went into a full side slide, 90* to the curb, hit the dry pavement then went up on two wheels (pass side)
All I remember was watching the other car trying to sqeeze between the curb and my front end as I was up on two wheels. The look on his face was GREAT.
He ended up side swiping his car on my front bumper. FUCKED HIS SHIT UP. I had zero damage.
he didn't have a license and never got shit from me.
I got sooo lucky
Last week I attempted an oxygen sensor replacement on my 'rola. Should have been a 5 minute job as I had easy access to it, but of course after 140,000+ miles and the chance of it not being installed properly in the first place... the thing seized up and was damn near locked tight and couldn't move it. After talking with Adam, my advisor for THIS situation, he essentially told me to HE-MAN that shit. So I did, and I won, but the exhaust manifold had the last laugh....
A LOUD trip out to my dad's farm with a hole in the exhaust, a $6 thread chaser, one small modification to grinder to help knock some shit out of the exhaust, a 12 pack of beer and BAM, good gas mileage again and the check engine light is off.
At my sisters wedding reception a few years back, I had a little too much to drink. It was near the end of the night.
We thought it would be funny to play "keep away" with the flip flops the bridesmaids had switched into.
After a few back and forth throws I decided to whip it as hard as I could....... fucker landed INDSIDE the huge chandelier hanging like 20 feet above us.
So, instead of letting the $2 flop go, my buddy and I decided to retrieve it.
My buddy and I had both worked at this particular Hotel/Banquette center before, so we knew what to do. We went into the storage room, pulled out a 15ft ladder and set it up.
Just as we were about to climb up a group of managers rushed in and started yelling at us. Managers who we used to work for!! HAHAHA
they ended up making some mexican get it out.
I have a 2006 KIA spectra. I decided to change the oil in it, whoopdy do.
Drained the oil, filled the oil, went to work. I started throwing up a huge smoke screen on the freeway, WTF? No oil leaking, nothing. I pulled the dipstick tube and oil started shooting out. Whoops, too much oil. Started driving home and it was bucking like a bronco and all sorts of shit.
Today I inspected it. Went to drain the oil and .... nothing came out!?
Seems the Koreans are a smart bunch and decided to give the transmission pan a drain bolt.
.....
.....3
......2
.......1
Yeah, I ran 8qts of oil in a 2.0L 4cyl with no transmission fluid at 70mph.
*sigh*.
That toosh is like the pistons in a Ferrari.
http://s634.photobucket.com/albums/u...t=MOV00721.flv
at least the camera wasn't totally broken
fuck your rules...Originally Posted by johnny 5
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
That toosh is like the pistons in a Ferrari.
Classic
Drop beats not bombs!!
This is not Nam, there are rules.
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
So I'm at the new house yesterday, working in the kitchen removing the old quarter round in preparation for the new floor I'm putting down next weekend. Using a pry bar to get under the old shit and pop it off. Well, one piece decedes to be a bitch and takes a little extra force to loosen up. Shit snaps in half and a 6 inch piece shoots straight upward like a fucking missile and catches me square in the middle of the forehead, jagged edge and all. Before I even realize what happened I've got blood pouring out of my forehead like a fucking gunshot. Walked around the rest of the day with a bandaid and now today at work, I have to explain the big cut on my forehead. I'm an idiot.
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
The lady and I locked ourselves out of the new place for the first time already. I went to run some errands, her car was in the way so I grabbed her spare keys. Came back later to pick her up for some additional errands. Get home in the down pour of rain, I reach into my pocket for my normal set of keys, which are sitting right on the kitchen counter. She looks at me and says, "I didn't grab any keys, you obviously had some." Quickly discovered one of the window screens prys open almost too easily. Now of course she's all freaked out that someone can break into our place in two seconds. Ugh.
this picture says 1000 words. (NO, I didn't have the tape on the board, but was close enough for the blade to snag it) It was a quick death and a short life, owned for exactly one week. SUNOFABITCH
I operated under the assumption that my boss wasn't a complete idiot.
Woops.
So I'm racing home last Saturday to get the baby fed, who is in the back SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF. I get to the Beloit Rd exit to make a right turn. Huge opening in traffic and the truck in front of me starts to go. I look left to see if I can also go and yes, still a huge hole. I start accelerating before turning back to look in front of me and BOOM, right into the back of the truck that for some reason decided to stop moving. $3200 in damage to mine. I'm retarded.
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
Eek. That's no good.
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